Dealing with unwanted messages

You do not owe every sender a conversation

An unwanted message can be irritating, uncomfortable or frightening. It might come from a stranger, an acquaintance, a former partner or someone who was previously a friend. Knowing the person does not create an obligation to keep replying. You can decide that a conversation has ended even if the other person wants to continue.

Start by distinguishing an ordinary message you do not want to answer from a pattern of pressure or harassment. Repeated contact after you have said stop, sexual comments you did not invite, threats or attempts to track you deserve a stronger response. You do not need to wait for a certain number of messages before seeking support.

Choose whether a reply is useful

If the situation feels safe and the person may genuinely misunderstand, one brief boundary can help: "I don't want further messages. Please stop contacting me." Avoid sending a long explanation that invites debate about each reason. You are communicating a decision, not applying for permission.

If a sender is threatening, manipulative or obviously seeking a reaction, replying may not be useful. You can go directly to evidence, reporting and blocking. Ask someone you trust to help assess the situation if fear or guilt makes the choice difficult. The most polite response is not always the safest response, and silence does not make another person's behaviour your fault.

Keep a clear record when contact persists

Record usernames, dates, links and relevant messages. A simple timeline can show a pattern that is difficult to see in hundreds of notifications. Keep evidence in a place the sender cannot access. Follow eSafety's guidance if sexual material is involved, especially material depicting anyone under eighteen.

Report the account or messages through the platform and save the reference number. Check privacy controls for who can message, add, tag or locate you. Blocking one account may not prevent contact through another service, so consider the broader pattern. Tell trusted people if you do not want them passing on your details or relaying messages from the sender.

If a mutual friend passes on messages

Say what you need in specific terms: "Please don't tell them where I am or pass their messages on to me." You can ask for this without giving the whole history. If the friend says they are trying to help you reconcile, repeat the practical request. Consider limiting what you share with them if they continue passing information on after you have clearly asked them to stop.

Consider what happens beyond the screen

If the sender attends your school, works with you or knows your routines, involve an appropriate support person. A teacher, campus support team or manager may help with practical contact arrangements. Explain what you need, such as not being placed alone with the person or having a clear route to report further contact.

If a partner or household member monitors your device, use a safer device to seek advice before making changes that could increase danger. For threats, stalking or immediate safety concerns, contact police or emergency services as appropriate. Online messages can be part of a wider situation, so a settings change alone may not address the full risk.

Reduce the burden of constant checking

After taking useful action, arrange support around checking for updates. You might ask a trusted person to sit with you at a planned time rather than reading every notification immediately. Keep ordinary plans where possible so the sender does not take over your entire day.

If a friend receives unwanted messages, resist the urge to message the sender yourself. That can complicate the situation and remove your friend's control. Help them document, report and find support instead. You can also make a simple agreement about emergencies, such as who to contact if they feel unsafe. Respecting someone's boundaries includes supporting the boundaries they choose online, even when they do not want to explain every detail to you.